Rain Check: When you have to postpone your life

Par Carole Marcoux

The greatest victory is to consciously succeed in materializing the thoughts that you have chosen with the goal of being happy. I profoundly believe that you have the fundamental right to grow up in safety and confidence, in spite of and regardless of the trials. It’s not what you experience that determines your life, but what you choose to do with it. Other people’s teachings aren’t enough if you aren’t open to your own quest. Your wounds are intimate guides to your mission. Give them the love and the attention they need to give back to you your freedom to be. Our personal history is a movie that we have to take control of to become our own producer or artistic director!

Do you believe in yourself? That’s the beginning!

• Langue: Français
• Éditeur: Les Éditions de l’Apothéose
• Date de sortie: 13 janv. 2020
• ISBN: 9782897752989

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Introduction

Hello there,

I congratulate you for taking the time to read about the subject of teenage mothers and forced marriages. In addition to consulting this little guide that you have in your hands, don’t hesitate to go and find every competent resource you can find to enlighten the next stages of life.

I must admit to you that I hesitated for a long time before sharing my experience. A teenage mom faces multiple situations and judgments. I myself have long worn the shame and guilt of my teenage pregnancy. What comforts me, however, in writing these lines, is imagining that certain passages might make you smile.

Teenage marriage imposed by adults is still incomprehensible to me. In my experience, marriage for a child is a life sentence served in society. Her conscience fades when a little girl becomes a woman. The problems caused by her situation are transposed in different ways in her adult life. I invite you to read the report on the practice of forced marriages in Canada. The text is in the form of interviews conducted in 2008 with frontline workers. The content is very relevant. You will find it on the Canadian Department of Justice website.

As far as Quebec is concerned, the law on the marriage of minors was changed in June 2016. A parent no longer has the authority to marry his or her child. Now it is up to the courts to decide. I myself was the victim of a circumvention of legislation which resulted in my being taken out of the network of resources established by the government.

I’m testifying so you know that you can do what you want in life. I want you to understand your rights and get to know your decision-making power. For years I imposed limits on myself because of my false beliefs. There are few references or models to tell you that you are greater than you think. Even if you are two, I’m speaking to you, the woman in the making. As soon as you knew there was a presence in you, your life changed forever. I want you to know that it’s not what you are living that determines your life, but what you choose to do with it.

Adolescence is a period of change. I’m not trivializing your situation, but I’m not dramatizing it so that you can enjoy a beautiful adult life. If some of my experiences lead you to the life you deserve, I will have fulfilled my mission, because you have this fundamental right to grow safely and confidently. I hope you go as far as I have, to finally fall in love with your own life. I’m giving you a little mantra to remember: From day to day, I am getting better and better in every area of my life.

My ex CV

I was born in the Hochelaga-Maisonneuve district of Montreal in 1965. At the age of 14 I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. My family remained close despite the lack of resources we needed to flourish. My father left without saying a word by leaving me on the new 15-year-old dad’s balcony. My new in-laws had just convinced my father that they were going to take care of the baby and me. Like a tsunami, by the time I saw the wave, it was too late.

This new family was no more equipped than mine to support a growing child. Everyone thought they were making the best decision for me. Everything went as if I wasn’t worth anything. No one asked me what I wanted or how I felt.

Three months after my son was born, we were victims of a fire. I’d just celebrated my 15th birthday. I experienced this event as my becoming homeless for the second time in less than a year. I rented an apartment. In general, you can’t sign a lease at the age of 15. But the adults who had married us had granted us the right of legal majority. Sometimes we receive poorly wrapped gifts.

I thought my situation was normal. At that same time, I felt a discomfort that I couldn’t identify. I was watching people in positions of authority sign the law documents without knowing it was my life that was in the process of being negotiated. I didn’t know its worth.

I imagined that my 16-year-old spouse was already an adult man because I was recognized as an adult woman. I didn't know what the word adult really meant. Honestly, I should say instead that I didn't really know what the word child meant. It was only later that I understood this nuance.

I had another child when I was 17. My doctor was proud to have such a young, mature client. At that age, I had two young children (an infant and a three-year-old boy), a teenage husband who wanted to live his life, a father who was dying, and a mother who was going through yet another period of hospitalization.

A series of changes caused me to become the legal guardian of my two young sisters until their majority. That's how I began my first 25 years of life.

When I was a child, I was an excellent student. But intelligence and diplomas are two things. I had a lot of skills, but no recognition or support. The awareness of the lack of what I needed for my evolution was painful until I took action to meet my needs. Resilience is learned.

For the longest time, I agreed to live the life that others imposed on me. I unconsciously dropped my passions for fear of abandoning others. This allowed me to explore 50 ways to destroy one’s life. I didn’t choose any of them as a way of life. The detoxification from fear was my greatest victory. Now I’m accumulating successes. I have found balance and peace through my strengths and weaknesses. I have succeeded in rebuilding a complete life.

Courage in Your Approach

Unfortunately, as I write these lines, I find that there is a lot of groundwork to do. Little girls are very desirable. It’s as imperceptible and present as the air we breathe. Society wants us to make us believe that money is more important than a person. A country is nothing without its people and education is a fundamental right. Learning to communicate and increasing the level of children’s awareness would be truly useful for future generations.

You are unique and you must believe this in your essence, against all odds. You are exceptional and you are the only keeper of what is most precious for you. It’s important that you surround yourself with helpful people. I wish for you to find the courage to use all possible resources to build yourself or rebuild yourself according to your situation.

You are greater than you think. If you really want to help, help yourself. Thanks to your experience, you have information and vision that are unique in the world. The most beautiful thing that can happen to you is that your universe becomes a place of peace, harmony, freedom, and abundance.

But before you can hope to live in this state, you must give birth to the deepest conviction that you deserve it through your thoughts and emotions. Only one person can change a mass situation; the opposite is true as well. Nothing is acquired permanently, everything is movement and perpetual change. Life has a rhythm and a vibration for each person according to different periods of his or her life. It’s essential that you return to the source, return to the basics to make sure you keep the power of your life before you even know its importance. Then everything will be permitted. You will feel it.

In Quebec, women have only been free for a short while. They obtained the right to vote despite the religion that opposed it. In 1981, a year after my marriage, the law changed. The legal age to marry a child went from 14 years of age to 16. The new law also allowed the woman to keep her identity. Women were not entitled to their financial autonomy for years. Their husbands had to sign at the bank even though some women had money. As for me, I was taken out of school because I was married, and all of the financial decisions were based on the husband's needs.

I’m sure many people